1. Developmental Issues
- Your child is a preschooler (about 18 months to four years old) AND
- Meltdowns are short-lived (last five minutes or less) AND
- Your child can recover on their own or with minimal adult intervention.
2. Behavioral or Parenting Problems
Ugh! As parents, the last thing we want to hear is that we’re making the problem worse. (I get it. I’m a parent, too.) But sometimes, small tweaks in your approach can vastly improve the situation.
What helps
Setting clear expectations and boundaries
Children need to understand which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Additionally, they need to reliably predict the positive or negative consequence of adhering to (or violating) those expectations.
Being Consistent
Suppose you hold the line during most tantrums but occasionally cave to your child’s demands. In that case, your child’s outbursts may worsen. Howls may grow louder, longer, or more frequent. Your child’s outbursts may even become violent.
In an upcoming article, I’ll offer strategies that help prevent, curtail, or end meltdowns.
What doesn’t help
You may be tempted to concede to your tiny tyrant’s demands because of:
- Public embarrassment, pressure, or the glower of strangers
- Empathy or tenderheartedness
- Exhaustion or frustration
For example, if you’re easygoing and your child is not, it may seem “easier” (in the short run) to let your child misbehave or accede to their pressure. But giving in to your preschooler’s demands can spark repeated, more intense, or prolonged outbursts.
Bouncing back from meltdowns
Some preschoolers can soothe themselves; they quickly recover from strong emotions. But unfortunately, others may be incapable of bouncing back on their own.
3. Lack of Quality Sleep
A third reason your child may throw a fit is sleep disruptions. Just as overtired adults often struggle to manage emotions, so too, sleep deprivation or sleep quality may shorten your child’s fuse. Unable to cope with frustrations that would otherwise “roll off their back,” the short fuse ignites.
Temporary disruptions in sleep
Sometimes temporary sleep disruptions, such as missed or interrupted naptimes or too-late bedtimes, can leave your child irritable, edgy, and intolerant. In turn, their ability to cope plummets.
Other temporary sleep disruptions may be short-term illnesses. For example, bacterial or viral infections, fever, congestion, cough, and physical discomfort can interrupt sleep throughout the night. And a sick, sleep-deprived child is more inclined to lose it.
Chronic sleep disruptions
Other sleep disruptions may be more long-lived.Chronic medical problems or underlying neurological conditions can hinder your child’s ability to:
- Fall asleep
- Stay asleep
- Feel refreshed after sleep
- Recurrent illnesses, such as persistent colds, cough, strep, or ear infections
- Allergies
- Obstructions, such as overly adenoids, tonsils, or a narrow airway
- Underlying (and sometimes undiagnosed) neurological disturbances
6 Indicators Your Child’s Tantrums May Not Be Typical
- Does your preschooler lose it more than three times a day?
- Do the tantrums last longer than 10 minutes?
- Are the meltdowns increasing in frequency or duration?
- Is your school-age child continuing to have frequent or prolonged tantrums?
- Does your child’s tantrum stand out compared to other same-age children?
- Is your “gut” telling you something is not “normal” about your child’s outbursts?
4. Limited Communication Skills
Limited communication skills are a fourth reason children throw tantrums. Unable to communicate their desires or difficulties, preschoolers can become frustrated
Speech, vocabulary, gestures, and hearing can all impact your preschooler’s communication ability.
For instance, a young child may not have the words, signs, or gestures to express their desires or difficulties.
Additionally, speech delays or hearing problems (including chronic ear infections) can affect your child’s ability to hear or speak clearly.
Preschoolers who can’t convey their needs may throw themselves on the floor, curl into a ball, weep, kick, scream, or cry. They may even become aggressive toward themselves or others. For instance, they may bang their heads, kick, punch, bite, or even throw furniture.
5. Hunger
We all can get “hangry” sometimes (aka, cranky or angry when we’re hungry).
According to Cleveland Clinic, preschoolers burn approximately 1,200 to 1,600 calories daily, depending on their size, age, and activity.
Additionally, their tiny tummies are roughly the size of their closed fist. As a result, they can only accommodate small amounts of food at one time. They must eat more frequently to nourish their bodies.
Hungry preschoolers can quickly become grouchy, dissolve into tears, or lash out. On the other hand, predictable meal and snack schedules can usually thwart hangry tantrums.
Rarely, however, an underlying medical issue may leave your well-fed child hungry. For instance, this can occur if your child develops diabetes that requires insulin—but hasn’t started injections.
6. Vestibular Difficulties
If you’re like most parents, you probably haven’t heard of the “vestibular” system.
However, the vestibular system is crucial to your preschooler’s development.
What the vestibular system is
The vestibular system is one of the first systems to develop during pregnancy. It also continues to develop throughout the preschool years.
This system helps your child to:
- Organize sensory input
- Understand where their body is in space (sense of gravity and balance)
- Stay alert and attentive
- Organize language and movement responses
Developing a healthy vestibular system
Some activities can advance the development of your child’s vestibular system. These include:
- Tummy time
- Rolling
- Climbing
- Jumping
- Swinging and spinning
- Turning the head into various positions.
Examples of activities that can interfere with the development of the vestibular system may include:
- Too little outdoor playtime
- Too much screen time (e.g., television, tablets, computers, phones)
- Lack of large motor movement
How a vestibular deficit can lead to tantrums
Imagine trying to keep up with your peers while frequently tripping or falling. How frustrating it must be!
Or consider how preschoolers with weak vestibular systems fatigue more quickly. For these children, sitting or standing for more than five minutes can be exhausting.
In these cases, physical and emotional fatigue can prove too much for many preschoolers.
Pediatric Occupational Therapy (OT) Evaluations
Did you know that your pediatrician can refer your preschooler to an OT for evaluation? Among other factors, the evaluation may assess your child’s:
- Developmental stage and growth
- Underlying neurological status
- Vestibular system
- Muscle strength
- Communication skills
The evaluation also includes future recommendations to minimize your child’s frustration and tantrums.
7. Postural Difficulties
Postural difficulties may drain your child’s energy.
What postural issues are
Holding your body in one position (e.g., sitting, standing) for a long time requires:
- Muscle strength
- Awareness of where your body is in space (strong vestibular system)
- Activating muscles
Together, these traits are called postural skills.
What causes postural difficulties
Among other factors, some conditions that cause postural difficulties can include:
- Neurological problems or brain damage, such as cerebral palsy (CP)
- Weakness from a lack of “tummy time”
- Sensory issues
Preschool activities that require postural abilities
Daycare providers, teachers, and other adults may expect preschoolers to:
- Sit “crisscross applesauce” during circle time
- Stand quietly in line to go out for recess
- Grasp crayons or markers while sitting at a table
- Practice printing the letters of their name
- Remain seated in a shopping cart
Typically developing children can usually adapt to these expectations—for short periods. But children with postural issues must work harder to control their muscles and bodies.
As a result, these children may slouch, wiggle, or fall off their chairs.
How postural issues lead to tantrums
Postural issues can lead to overwhelming fatigue, setting a child on edge. The physical stress of holding it together can also tax these children emotionally. As a result, a child with postural issues may melt down at school. Or they may maintain their composure in public but release their distress once they’re home.
8. Sensory Issues May Overwhelm Your Child
Sensory issues are significant triggers for preschool temper tantrums. Furthermore, they can pertain to any (or many) of a child’s senses, including:
- Vision
- Sound
- Touch
- Taste
- Smell
- Vestibular system
Signs of Sensory-Related Tantrums
Some children have daily meltdowns because of sensory issues. Some signs that your child may have sensory issues could include the following:
- Reacting to strong stimuli. Your child may be overwhelmed by bright lights, vivid colors, noisy rooms, pungent smells, unusual textures, or intense flavors.
For these children, tantrums may occur in gleaming stores, brightly lit doctors’ or dentists’ offices, busy restaurants, or crowded public or private events. Additionally, holiday celebrations can be incredibly challenging.
Additionally, you may notice your child clasps their hands over their ears.
- Difficulty transitioning. Your child has repeated, often extreme, reactions when changing activities. When they’re home, they want to stay. When they’re out, they object to coming home.
As a result, lengthy tantrums erupt whether you’re coming or going.
- Avoiding physical touch. Children with tactile sensitivities dislike being touched. They may not want to bathe, brush their hair, or cuddle. They might object to a back rub. As infants, they may have cried more and been more difficult to comfort.
- Complaining about clothes, socks, or shoes. Extreme sensitivities to fabrics are a common trigger for highly sensitive children.
These children act as if their clothes were burlap bags. They may rage when a sock seam doesn’t align perfectly with their toes. They may reject clothes, shoes, or jackets—even in the winter.
Or they may prefer specific clothes. For example, they want to wear the same worn Superman shirt every day—and you’re washing it every night.
Morning and bedtime routines are twice-daily battles.
Avoiding specific food textures, smells, or flavors. Children with food sensitivities may dislike the texture of meat, yogurt, or fruit. They turn up their nose at vegetables or crunchy foods. They may only accept a short list of foods that typically involve carbs.
9. Bad Experience
Another reason a child may break down is an intense negative memory. In other words, your child may have an extreme reaction to a previously distressing incident.
For example, a past trip to the doctor’s office may have been upsetting. Therefore, your sensitive child may be terrified of the next appointment.
Instead of cooperating, your preschooler may rage against you every step of the way.
- Getting in the car
- Entering the waiting room
- Moving to the exam room
- Laying eyes on the dental instruments
- Being touched by anyone
- Receiving an injection
10. Multiple Factors
Finally, your child’s tantrums may result from a combination of coexisting factors.
For example, they may have sensory issues AND dislike change. Or they may have muscle weakness AND vestibular problems.
What’s more, the adult’s response may have inadvertently reinforced the behavior.
To illustrate, suppose your preschooler wants Halloween candy for breakfast instead of sausage. You tell them that candy isn’t a breakfast food. They lose it.
But you eventually pull out the candy and give it to them. The original tantrum may have originated because the child was awakened from a sound sleep or had a sensory challenge (the texture of meat). But now, it’s also a behavioral problem.
Or you dole out idle threats, “Do you want a time out?” However, you never actually follow through on the consequence of the behavior.
In these cases, hunger, fatigue, or a sensory issue, may have sparked the original tantrum. However, the child understands that the consequence is meaningless.
A pediatric OT evaluation can help tease out the twisted knot of reasons for your child’s tantrums.
Summary
This article identified 10 potential causes of tantrums, meltdowns, and aggression in preschoolers. These may exist in isolation or result from multiple factors.
If you have concerns about your preschooler, discuss your concerns with your pediatrician. Ask if a pediatric OT evaluation might help identify the underlying cause of your child’s lengthy, violent, or repeated meltdowns. Help is available.
You and your child will be grateful for the support and a more peaceful existence.
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